profile I'm Debbiegrace,and I'm on hiatus until the school year is over. archives May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 April 2009 affiliates Mayann Nicole Lennon Gracee Merlyn Shilee Timo Celine Cherylt Weiling Tim Tricia AiJing HuiHui Rachel Keolala! whisper. credits skin by: Jane |
LISTEN : Tuesday, September 16 at 8:45 PM
I will never forget today. Someone. Anyone. Please tell me that I'm just having a very bad dream and I'm going to wake up soon. Right now, I feel as if I've just lost my footing and I'm falling,falling,falling, deeper and deeper into a bottomless pit. And I can't get out. Someone save me. I always told myself I'll be strong, I'll pick myself off the ground, shake off the dust and carry right on walking. But even the simplest things seem so hard to do, and as much as I know I've got to move on moveonmoveon, a part of me keeps telling me that maybe, just maybe,I'm just jumping to conclusions and not listening to the other side of the story. I've got so many things to say, so many questions I'm just dying to ask but I know I won't ever get the answer anyway. It's so hard to forget this and move on because nothing's making sense. I've never cried so hard in my entire life. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that you would be the one to make me cry. You've never brought my anything other than laughter and you never failed to make me smile, do you know? Do you know I could never stay upset at you for long because you always ended up saying something that would cheer me up? Do you know that I used to go crazy just because you noticed me? How could so much change within 48 hours? I feel like a fool, thinking I could finally let my guard down but I guess I was wrong afterall. I'm at a complete loss of what to do and what to say. Everything's happening so fast, I could barely accept it until later. I know there's not point crying because crying isn't going to change anything. But today, I felt completely moodless and depressed. I remember telling myself last night, "If you sleep now, you may not wake up tomorrow." and it felt good, which is scary, because I've never thought of suicide,ever, until last night. It's like everything came crashing down on me way too fast and I've been crawling in the pitch darkness for the way out. Everything is such a mess and I feel so confused and betrayed but I don't want to blame anyone because it isn't anyone's fault. I want to cry, but the tears just won't come. Up till now, it still feels so unreal. I know I should give it time. "In three words, I can sum up what I've learnt about life ; IT GOES ON." Really? Anyway, thanks to everyone who cheered me up/ attempted to cheer me up today. I know I was awfully moody and whiny and I kept crying, but you know I love you guys to the ultimate core still. Keola told me to give him a smile, so here it is. :D Keane - Everybody's changing. |